real talk.

a confession

These days, I just don’t feel alive like I used to.


one of the best photosets ever

(Source: foxmouth)

Via 94583

Sometimes honesty has less to do with what we say or don’t say and more to do with whether we feel comfortable saying something in the first place. When I ask you if we’re honest with each other, what I’m really asking is could I text you at 3am and not freak you out? Could I tell you about how afraid I am to be intimate with someone and just sort of pretend it never happened? Could I tell you about how I want so deeply to love and be loved in return and then just let it recede into the past like every other past conversation we’ve had? Could we do that? Could we share those words with each other (because sometimes they get stuck in your throat and you have to tell someone) and then just let the tide take them back to sea? There are questions I want to ask you, but they are the ones where once asked they forever change the nature of our relationship. Could I ask them and somehow keep this thing we have going for us?

– "Are we honest with each other?" (via typewriterdaily) Via 94583
GONZALEZ: Infinitely beautiful


i woke up this morning
and i didn’t love
you anymore

i am unchained

i feel like
i’ve abandoned you
like i owe it to you
to love you

i don’t
i owe you nothing
i hope
you wake up
this morning
finally love me
as much as i’ve always
loved you

i (lie) in my bed
and bask
in this makeshift karma

tricking myself
into believing
i really
to be




Lorde - 17

Queen Nefertiti - 3384



Listen, when you use a word of hate ironically — like, and your defense is “I’m not racist, how could you ever think I’m racist??” I want you to imagine owning a gun, but never buying live ammunition. You only purchase blanks. Ok?

And say sometimes when you hang out with your close friends, you take out your gun, which they know contains no live ammunition, and you shoot it at stuff, and you think it’s funny. And maybe the first time you do it, they’re like “Shit. I mean, I know those are blanks, but that’s kind of fucked up,” but your argument is, “But I can’t really hurt anyone! They’re just blanks!” And over time they just get used to it and find it kind of funny. “Oh, that Cliff, sometimes he takes his gun out and shoots some blanks, but he doesn’t really mean anything. It’s just funny! You know how it goes.”

Now, imagine that over time, having received the acceptance for your actions from your friends, you decide you can start firing blanks around people you’ve never met. In mixed company. You’re at a dinner party one night, you’ve had a few, so you go “Hey, wanna see something cool?!” and those who are your friends at the party know what’s coming, so they’re prepared, but then the people who don’t know you, they see you whip out a piece and go “Oh shit, I’m going to die, it’s everything I feared,” but your friends explain to them it’s not a big deal, there’s nothing to be afraid of, “Cliff wouldn’t hurt a fly,” so they eventually, begrudgingly, don’t say anything about it, don’t call you, Cliff, a fucking asshole. “Fine, it’s kind of ridiculous, but whatever.” Something like that.

And then you are at a large public place. A concert, an open mic, where you and your friends are outnumbered by the rest of the audience. And maybe someone pushes you or gives you a hard time, so you decide, just to give the guy a taste of his own medicine, to pull out your gun, and fire some blanks. Give him a real, real visceral jump. And everyone around you feels threatened, unsafe, about to be part of something they were always on some subconscious level afraid would happen, but at the same time hopeful it would never happen because our society’s getting smarter and more considerate of those around them. And then some other people, who after seeing it happen, feel relieved that you were firing blanks, but also feel empowered by your choice to fire a weapon in a public place, and choose to do the same thing.

Do you get it yet?

The fact is that derogatory remarks, whether used sincerely or ironically, and ammunition, whether blank or live, still creates the same environment of discomfort and fear every time it is used. So cut the shit.

- Junot Diaz

The other problem with “ironic” racism is that you start to internalize all of it. When it’s repeated enough times to you, when people “joke” enough times, when you start making the jokes about yourself, you start seeing yourself in that way and then behaving that way without even realizing you’re doing it. Because it’s never actually totally “ironic”, and jokes are never entirely “jokes”, they’ve always got some bit of “truth” in them. And when you hear it enough, it becomes your truth.

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